That Burns Me Up

As we approach another 4th of July, it is extremely disappointing once again to see that the Senate is not going to tackle the real problems facing this nation: an end to our involvement in the war in Iraq; health care costs that are spiraling out of sight, with some 46 million Americans without health insurance; the minimum wage, which hasn’t been raised for almost a decade; the national debt, which is reaching astronomical levels; the continued borrowing from China to finance our foreign adventures. And these are just a few of the major problems facing our nation. No, what our Senate is considering is amending our Constitution to prohibit the “physical desecration” of the American flag.

I’ll bet you weren’t aware of this crisis in flag burning and other forms of flag desecration Aren’t you aware that hundreds of American flags were burned last year? Just kidding. Actually, over the past five years, there was one flag burned in 2005 by a teenager who had a little too much to drink, and one by a protester in California in 2002. You will be pleased to learn that the House of Representatives has already passed the amendment with more than the necessary two-thirds vote. And already, 66 senators have said that they will support the amendment. They need only one more vote. And, as a Democrat, I am sorry to report that Senate minority leader Harry Reid and 13 other Democrats, including California’s Dianne Feinstein, have voiced support for the amendment. Even Sen. Hillary Clinton, although she still opposes a constitutional amendment for attacks on the flag, nevertheless is supporting new legislation to criminalize desecration of the American flag.

Isn’t it just wonderful to know that your representatives, who have just given themselves, without a vote, the seventh straight pay raise of $3300 this year, are in there taking care of business (they now make $168,500 a year). They last raised the hourly minimum wage in 1997 to $5.15. Meanwhile, they have raised their own annual pay by over $32,000 in the same amount of time.

Back to the “flag desecration” amendment. This exercise in cheap political theater, catering to an emotional issue involving a symbol instead of dealing with the real problems of this nation, is deplorable. When I think of our flag, I think of the freedom it represents, including that most important freedom contained in the First Amendment - the right to express an idea, even one that is repugnant to most people. Even when someone burns an American flag, it is not THE flag - it is A flag. And THE flag represents, not blind loyalty; it symbolizes freedom. Let’s not exchange that freedom to express an unpopular idea for blind loyalty.

A Man of Character and Talent

“It is my belief that we are passing through a gate from one age to another perhaps more profound than the changes medieval man faced with the rising of Humanism and the age we call the Renaissance. We have spent the last five hundred years trying to understand the world by dividing it into parts. We are now at the task of putting our world back together. We are seeking a vision of a whole world, with ourselves as part of the whole.”
— James Hubbell

What is revealed about the character of a man who, after spending 46 years of his life putting all of his talents and his heart and soul into his work only to have it consumed in a matter of minutes in a firestorm, is able to say “...when so much of our life vanishes it makes space for a new part of ourselves to emerge”? Such a man is James Hubbell, an internationally known artist, sculptor, architect, and poet. This man’s home, studios, and outbuildings were all consumed in the great Cedar firestorm which swept through the area of San Ysabel, east of San Diego, California in October of 2003. All of his paintings, drawings, poetry, writings, and architectural designs were destroyed. His only creations to survive were a few non-flammable objects, such as brass sculptures and a few buildings of stone and concrete.

The Sunday before last, my wife, who is also an artist, and I visited the new home, studios, and outbuildings that have been rebuilt on Mr. Hubbell’s property. This man and his wife Anne, a writer and a poet, are so beloved and respected in this area that numerous volunteers of all ages have helped in the reconstruction of the burned-out property. And Mr. Hubbell is again producing works of art: paintings, sculptures, and the design and the building of the structures on the property. Once a year, on Father’s Day, as a fund-raising activity, he opens his property to the public. The Sunday before last was such a day.

In 1974, Mr. Hubbell wrote “Architecture of Jubilation” to guide his work, and today it forms the guiding principles for the rebuilding efforts. In regard to architecture, he said that it must take measure of all that it is to be human in a world that is whole. He believes that architecture “is a sculpture you can live in.” And when you walk through one of his buildings, you do indeed feel that you are inside of a sculpture.

In this age of plastics, one is immediately stuck by the fact that he uses as building materials the stones which he collected off the property for the walls of the structures, and the cedar from the local trees for the beams, doors, and other parts of the buildings. He also makes much use of concrete in his structures. The floors of the buildings are inlaid in small multi-colored tiles arranged in designs which he created. He didn’t take the usual route used today by building contractors of going in with a bulldozer and clearing a lot of all trees and boulders. He incorporated all of the natural features such as boulders and trees into the structures.

In his philosophy of life, Mr. Hubbell believes that, in this age of conformity, we are entering a new world where “equality is seen not as sameness but as uniqueness.” I was struck by another of his statements: “In our new world, survival will be measured not by control or force but by sympathy and understanding. Technology has made morality no longer an option but the only path away from self extinction.”

I purchased an anthology of Mr. Hubbell’s poems. There is a message in one that particularly appeals to me. It reads as follows: “These times people talk of comets/ passing by,/ maybe angels that/ ride in paths./ We, too, are passing by/ looking on from here/ to somewhere else./ With silver hen, black beetle/ a golden star that has a tail/ all of us are going somewhere./ We wonder why/ And maybe where?

When my wife and I met him I said, “Just think! While you are giving yourself the joy of using your talents to the fullest, you are also giving other people enormous pleasure.” He smiled and remarked, “Tell that to my poor back.”

Forgiving the Unforgivable

As humans we are not infallible; and as we move through life’s currents, we are bound to have sins of commission and omission for which we must seek forgiveness. The need for forgiveness is as old as the human race, and there are uncountable instances of forgiveness being given and received.

Sometimes it seems impossible to forgive one grave wrong or a series of little wrongs that have been done to us; but if we know where to look, we can find the ability to forgive. Barry S. Maltese found that place, which he reveals in the first stanza of his poem titled “Forgiveness”:

If you try to reach inside of your heart
You can find forgiveness, or at least the start
And from that place where you can forgive
Is where Hope, and Love, also thrive and live

We can never fully know and express the true magnificence of our being until we learn to forgive, even those actions and events that we can never forget. Wikipedia defines forgiveness as “ the mental process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.”

Thousands of quotations exist about forgiveness. One of my favorites is by Henry Ward Beecher: “I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.”

If you have been a victim of crime, or if you are a survivor of childhood abuse, only you can decide whether you can forgive the perpetrator. Your choice is to forgive the person who hurt you, or to hold on to the bitterness and anger, which can interfere with your own healing process. Some victims don’t want to forgive the perpetrator because they think it is unfair. Perhaps the perpetrator is living a life of ease and respect, while the victim is still suffering the effects of the abuse. Some people seek revenge or to get even - “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” To this person we might give a reminder that in the Lord’s Prayer, we ask God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In other words, if we ask to be forgiven, then we must also be prepared to forgive.

Judith Mammay in this short essay best described the process involved in forgiveness:

“Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened, because it will not change. Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn't. Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. Forgiveness allows us to move on towards a better understanding of universal love and our true purpose. Forgiveness is knowing that love is the answer to all questions, and that we all are in some way connected. Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that we have gained. I forgive you, and I forgive myself. I hope you can do the same.”

Perhaps the most difficult crime to forgive is the murder of one’s child. Yet, as the following newspaper account from the “National Catholic Reporter“; 10/25/1996 points out, there is a mother who did it:

“Gayle Blount's involvement in the lives of San Quentin's death row inmates began in the spring of 1992 when she wrote to one of them -- the man who murdered her 19-year-old daughter, Catherine. In 300 words marked with candor, emotion and mercy, Blount expressed forgiveness to the convicted killer. Catherine had recently graduated from Bella Vista High School near Sacramento and was living on a ranch in Northern California tending animals including milk goats and an Arabian mare.

“On Sept 30, 1980, she was stabbed more than 10 times by an attacker. When caught months later, he was convicted and sentenced to death. He has been in San Quentin since 1982.

“In the late 1980s, Gayle Blount, after living much of the decade locked on grief and rage, experienced a conversion of the heart. In time, it would lead her to a decision that put her in stark contrast to the harshness by which much of society scorns the 3,500 people on America's 38 death rows. As one human being to another, Blount reached out to her daughter's killer.

“In 1992, she began her letter to him: "Twelve years ago, I had a beautiful daughter named Catherine. She was a young woman of unusual talents and intelligence. ... She radiated with love and joy. ... The violent way she left this earth was impossible for me to understand. I was saddened beyond belief.

“Blount explained that through readings in spirituality and being guided by religious teachers, she was able to move beyond hatred and vengeance to forgiveness: "This does not mean that I think you are innocent or that you are blameless for what happened. What I learned is this: You are a divine child of God. You carry the Christ-consciousness within you. You are surrounded by God's love even as you sit in your cell. The Christ in me sends blessings to the Christ in you.

“Since this initial exchange, Blount has written once a month to the prisoner. She visits him four times a year. On Oct. 4 the California woman came to Washington with 100 other death penalty abolitionists to protest capital punishments in front of the Supreme Court. The group belongs to Murder Victims Families for Reconciliation, a national organization with several hundred members based in Atlantic, Va. It sponsors an annual Journey of Hope in which citizens like Gayle Blount who have lost family members to homicide spend two weeks traveling through one state speaking on the death penalty at schools, media outlets, churches and other assemblies willing to listen.”

My question to you is:

Could you find it in your heart to forgive the killer of your child?

Some additional questions to ponder:

Why do you think forgiveness is important?
What does it mean to forgive?
What kinds of feelings are associated with forgiveness?
Is there someone in your life that you want and need to forgive?
How can forgiveness help to solve problems in your family, school, or
community?
Is there something you have done that you wish to be forgiven for?
What will you do to demonstrate your willingness to forgive?

Getting to Know Yourself

Some of us go through life following a life “script” that someone else has written for us. That someone else could be a parent. a spouse, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. Write you own script and live it daily. No one else knows as well as you your intelligence, your feelings, or the depth of the beliefs about which you can get passionate or enthusiastic. Stand up and stand out for what you believe - and you will discover your true identity.

Are you now writing your own life "script", and have you discovered your own true identity?

Don't Say That Again

I recently wrote a post titled “Changing Partners” in which I pointed out that many unsuccessful marriages begin with one of the partners expecting that he or she will be able to change the undesirable traits of the other.

Recent research involving 100 married couples over a period of 13 years indicates that the most important ingredient in happy marriages is respect. Of the 100 couples studied, those who ended up in divorce court were those with the poorest communication skills, which rendered them incapable of handling marital conflict in a positive way. In their disagreements, these couples often undermined or insulted their partners. Harsh and critical comments, even those that were brief and unintentional, accumulated to the point that they eroded the couple’s feelings of closeness and intimacy.

This post raises some important questions:

1. What sort of critical comments or remarks should a husband never make to his wife?
2. What sort of critical comments or remarks should a wife never make to her husband?
3. What is the worst thing that a husband can say to his wife?
4. What is the worst thing that a wife can say to her husband?

What responses would you give to these questions?