100 Things I Want To Do In My Lifetime

Some organized individuals love to make lists. Other than shopping lists, I am not a great one for making them. Among the most popular lists is the one of the 100 things people want to do before they die. Since I did not have such a list, I prepared one for this post and was surprised at how many of the things I have done to this point are things that I most likely would have included on such a list.

1. Ride a gondola in Venice with someone I love. Yes.
2. Test drive a Ferrari. Forget it! But I did a test drive in a Subaru WRX. Does that count?
3. Peer into an active volcano. Yes, in Hawaii. The experience is like looking into the heart of the earth.
4. Visit a nude beach Yes. Black’s Beach in Torrey Pines, CA. That was an eye-opener!
5. Climb Mt. Everest. Forget it! But I have climbed Lambert Dome in the Sierras.

6. Skydive in a spectacular place. No, but when I was a kid, I used to jump off a shed with an umbrella for a parachute. Does that count?
7. Learn how to be a clown. No. Well, I never took any lessons, but I was still pretty good at it in class.
8. Go to Japan and eat Fugu. No, but I went to Paris and ate escargot and stinky cheese.
9. Kiss the Blarney Stone in Ireland. No, but I French-kissed the 2000-year-old Rosetta Stone in England.
10. Take a jungle tour. Yes, at Disneyland.

11. Swim with sharks. No, but I have swum with carp. Does that count?
12. Learn how to ride a bull. No, but I rode a pony once. Does that count?
13. Get close to a wild animal that could kill me. Yes, many times at the San Diego Zoo.
14. Run with the bulls in Pamplona. No, but I have run with the dogs at Doggie Beach.
15. Swim with dolphins. See number 11.

16.Travel to Michoacan, Mexico to witness the migration of the Monarch butterfly. No, but I once traveled to San Ysidro to watch the illegal migration of Mexicans into the United States.
17. Go whale watching. Yes, off San Diego, CA. The whales were people watching.
18. Learn to paint a landscape like Van Gogh. No. I once tried to paint my house, but after spilling a gallon of white paint on an asphalt driveway, I gave up.
19. Attend a Shakespeare Festival. Yes, in San Diego, CA. “I knew him, Horatio -- a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.” (That means he was funny).
20. Participate in a pow wow with Native Americans. No, but I have been in several of their casinos.

21. View Michelangelo’s David. Yes. Afterwards, I felt better about my masculinity.
22. Visit the Hershey chocolate factory in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Yes, that is my wife’s Mecca.
23. Volunteer to help others. Yes, just last night I volunteered to take out the garbage.
24. Ride a cable car in San Francisco. Yes. Now the fare is pretty steep.
25. Watch the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. No, but I watched the changing of a baby’s diapers in a restroom. Does that count?

26. Visit Paris at night. Mais oui!
27. Go to the top of the Washington Monument, the Empire State Building, the Eiffel Tower, and the Leaning Tower at Pisa. Yes, I have done all except the Leaning Tower. Its construction was begun in A.D. 1173. I was sure that if I ascended the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower, it would surely choose just that moment to topple over. So I jogged around it instead.
28. Visit New York City, Philadelphia, and Atlantic City. Yes. Went to the Empire State Building, the Twin Towers, Independence Hall, and the Trump Building.
29. Spend a week in New Orleans. Yes. Titillating, but I didn’t have any beads.
30. Learn the Tango in Buenos Aires. No, but I tried to do the Macarena in Mazatlan.

31. Sip tea in a traditional Japanese tea garden. No, but I have drunk beer at Joe’s Place in Solana Beach.
32. Dance a waltz at the Vienna Opera Ball. No, but I tried to do the Macarena in Mazatlan.
33. Walk the Great Wall of China. No, but I have walked the seawall at Ocean Beach after imbibing three beers.
34. See the ruins at Pompeii. Yes. Shocking - yes, shocking! - murals in the bathhouse.
35. Visit the Blue Grotto in Capri. Yes.

36. Visit the Louvre, the Roman Forum, the Coliseum and the British Museum. Yes
37. Take a ballroom dancing class. No, I never got around to it.
38. Bake bread. Yes, but I soon tired of it and started loafing.
39. Eat vegetables from my own garden. Yes, but my cabbages ended up with bugs in their heads.
40. Make homemade ice cream. Yes

41. Grow roses. Yes.
42. Ride in a submarine. Yes, at Disneyland.
43. Ice skate. No.
44. Ride in a glass bottom boat. Yes.
45. Get a tattoo. No.

46. Visit Puerto Vallarta. Yes. Great place for dining, and a leisurely evening walk on the malecon is a must.
47. Take the test to get into Mensa. Yes, but I failed. Test to get into Densa - passed.
48. Visit the Sistine chapel and see Michelangelo’s ceiling. Yes, it was a dizzying experience.
49. See the original “Mona Lisa” painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Yes, I think she cracked a smile for me.
50. See the original “Last Supper” mural by Leonardo da Vinci. Yes, we saw it just before eating dinner.

51. Fly in a helicopter. Yes, at Sedona, Arizona.
52. Snorkel. Yes, in Hawaii.
53. Go skinny dipping. Yes, back when I was skinny.
54. Be in a major parade. As a member of a marching band, I was in scores of them.
55. Milk a cow. Yes, I think it was a cow. At least, I hope it was a cow.

56. Bathe in a hot spring. Yes, it was hot.
57. Visit a lighthouse. Yes, it was bright.
58. Win big on a slot machine. No.
59. See a moose in the wild. Yes, in Alaska.
60. Pilot an airplane. Yes, my pilot friend let me take the controls for about five minutes.

61. Sing karaoke. Yes, at a party. I did Elvis Presley singing “Are You Lonesome Tonight”. Then said, “Thank you. Thank you very much!” to the applause.
62. Ride a motorcycle. Yes, as a passenger, doing about 85 miles per hour.
63. Fly over the Grand Canyon at a low altitude in a private plane. Yes, and also down into Marble Canyon. I was looking up at the top of the canyon.
64. See Old Faithful erupt. Yes.
65. Listen to zydeco music in New Orleans. Yes, it was CJ Chenier and his Red Hot Louisiana Band performing. The best!

66. Visit the National Archives and view the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. Yes.
67. Ride the Staten Island Ferry. Yes. I’ll never forget the sight of the Twin Towers from the ferry crossing.
68. Have lunch at a sidewalk cafe in Paris. Oui, nous avons apprécié un repas fin de cuisine française avec du vin.
69. Ride on a double-decker bus in London. Yes, old chap.
70. Whistle with two fingers in my mouth. No. I could never get the hang of it.

71. Travel on the Alaska Railroad from Anchorage to Fairbanks, and stop at Denali National Park to take the hour-and-half bus ride to the base of Denali Mountain. See a grizzly bear on the way. Yes.
72. Walk in the rain in London. Yes
73. Visit the Senate and House of Representatives. Yes
74. Visit the White House, Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, Washington Memorial, and Arlington Cemetery. Yes
75. Visit Williamsburg, Virgina. Yes

76. Visit the Amish countryside around Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Yes
77. Visit art galleries in Santa Fe and Taos, New Mexico. Yes
78. Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia. No, but I once took a transcontinental railroad trip from Washington, D.C. to San Francisco, California.
79. Sleep under the stars. Yes, but then it began to rain in the middle of the night. Wet sleeping bags are no fun.
80. Learn to juggle with three balls. No, but I can do it with two.

81. Go up in a hot-air balloon. No, not yet.
82. Drink champagne from a woman’s slipper. Yes, at a party. The champagne was bubbly and so was I.
83. Get something published in a newspaper or magazine. Yes, quite a few times.
84. Visit Canada and Mexico. Yes.
85. Meet someone famous. Yes, I met Paul Simon of Simon and Garfunkel and got his autograph for my daughter.

86. Learn how to sail. No.
87. Win an award. Yes, best speller in my ninth grade homeroom class. Does that count?
88. Visit Hong Kong. No.
89. Ride on the Autobahn. Yes
90. Visit the pyramids of Egypt. No.

91. Stand with one foot in Nevada and the other in Arizona. Yes.
92. Tour Pearl Harbor. Yes
93. Visit places of historical interest in Boston. No, not yet.
94. Attend a Johnny Cash and June Carter concert. Yes
95. Raft through the Grand Canyon. No, not yet.

96. Visit the Alamo. Yes
97. Bungy jump off the New River Gorge bridge. No, too chicken.
98. Go to Mars. No, not yet.
99. Go on a cruise. Yes. Mexican Riviera.
100. Ride a mechanical bull. Yes, it was in front of WalMart. Cost fifty cents to ride. Then a little tyke rode it.

And one thing I didn’t want to do: Make a complete and utter ass of myself. Yes, too many times.

Assuming that you had all the resources and time available to fulfill your dreams, list a few of the things that you still would like to do in this lifetime. Or, make up your own list of 100 things you would like to do in your lfetime, including those that you have already done, and post it.

What Has Our "Do-Nothing" Congress Done For You Lately?


The 109th Congress has just recently adjourned for four weeks to allow members of Congress to return to their districts to campaign for re-election. It might be worthwhile at this point to see how well this Congress has addressed the major problems facing the United States today.

HERE IS A SHORT LIST OF PROBLEMS FACING THE UNITED STATES

First, the economic problems:

· Irresponsible sale of strategic companies to foreign ownership (Sold 8,600 of our best wealth producing companies to foreign corporations in the last 10 years).

· Loss or decline of major industries - (steel, publishing, clothing, machine tools, automobiles, electronics, others).· Loss of good jobs

· Uncompetitiveness in manufacturing.

· Wealth transfer to foreign ownership $2 billion dollars per day thru balance of trade deficit, which equates to $1,400,000 per minute flowing to foreign countries.

· Difficulty for college students to find jobs for which they were trained as there are fewer American-owned companies for them to work for.

· Manufacturing Outsourcing - Dismantling America's industrial base - giving away our technology and jobs to foreign companies and have them produce for us in their country.

· Insourcing - Subsidizing foreign companies to manufacturer in America for their benefit and their profit, quickly displacing and putting out of business our American owned factories, leaving us with shell factories whose job is primarily assembling imported components.

· Educational shortcoming, limiting our ability to maintain our future scientific and technological status.

AND HERE ARE SOME OF THE OTHER PROBLEMS FACING THE UNITED STATES TODAY:

2. War in the Middle East (Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Lebanon)
3. Nuclear Proliferation (North Korea, Iran)
4. Poverty/Hunger
5. Health Care Policies

6. Terrorism
7. Budget Deficit
8. Campaign Finance Reform
9. Global Warming
10. Conservation

11. Correction and Rehabilitation
12. Drug Policies
13. Environment
14. Firearm Regulation
15. Food Safety

16. Genetic Engineering
17. Cost of Housing
18. Immigration Reform
19. K-12 Education
20. Minimum Wage

21. Oil and Gas Prices
22. Peace and Nonviolence
23. Pollution
24. Poverty
25. Racism

26. Social Security Reform
27. Tax Reform (for Middle and Lower Income Taxpayers)
28. Term Limits
29. Corporate Lobbying
30. Whistleblowing Reform

AND HERE IS SOME OF THE “CRITICAL” LEGISLATION THAT THE 109th CONGRESS EITHER HAS ENACTED OR ATTEMPTED TO ENACT IN 2005-2006.

Class Action Fairness Act of 2005. Congress effected a major revision to the nation's bankruptcy laws and most of the changes affect individuals, not giant corporations like Enron or WorldCom. In general, bankruptcy relief will be harder for people to get because of a new "means test" and other barriers to entry. Those who get past these barriers will find the process more cumbersome and expensive than before, property will be harder to keep and more debt will still have to paid after the bankruptcy is over. This new law was opposed by virtually everyone with expertise on bankruptcy law and is little more than a gift to the already profitable financial services industry, especially credit card issuers.

Dominican Republic - Central America - United States Fair Trade Agreement. This is the trade agreement commonly called CAFTA, which opponents argued would, like NAFTA, lead to more off-shoring of American jobs.

Thu. Jul. 20 2006
Associated Press

WASHINGTON -- U.S. President George W. Bush rejected legislation Wednesday that could have multiplied the federal money going into embryonic stem cell research, using the first veto of his presidency to underscore his stand on the emotionally charged, life-and-death issue. A few hours later, the House voted 235-193 to overturn Bush's veto, 51 short of the required two-thirds majority. "This bill would support the taking of innocent human life in the hope of finding medical benefits for others," Bush said. "It crosses a moral boundary that our decent society needs to respect."
(According to recent polls, 72% of the American people disagree with the Congress and the President on this issue. So who is Congress representing in this case?)

Safe, Accountable, Flexible, Efficient Transportation Equity Act: A Legacy for Users (SAFETEA-LU). This included funding for the now “infamous bridge to nowhere” in Alaska. Cost: Between $500 million to $600 million. One of the Alaska bridges, dubbed the "Bridge to Nowhere" by foes, would connect Ketchikan to an island where there is an airport and about 50 people. This funding redirected the money from the Interstate 10 bridge construction across Lake Pontchartrain, a major thoroughfare that was severely damaged during Hurricane Katrina.

Deficit Reduction Act of 2005. The Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 is enormous, and among other things it cuts Medicaid and assistance for college students.

(June 28, 2006). WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Senate by a single vote Tuesday rejected a proposed constitutional amendment to ban desecrating the American flag. The measure would have rolled back a 1989 Supreme Court decision allowing it. The vote was 66-34.

(July 18, 2006). WASHINGTON (AP) -- The House on Tuesday rejected a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage, ending for another year a congressional debate that supporters of the ban hope will still reverberate in this fall's election. The 236-187 vote for the proposal to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman was 47 short of the two-thirds majority needed to advance a constitutional amendment.

(July 19, 2006) WASHINGTON – The House on Wednesday passed a bill that would transfer the land beneath San Diego's Mount Soledad cross to the federal government.
With a 349-74 vote, House members voted to seize the land and give it to the Defense Department in an effort to avoid a court-ordered removal of the 43-foot-tall cross that towers over La Jolla (California).

Whether viewed as a war memorial, an icon or a place of worship, the cross is an extremely visible symbol of one religion. It occupies arguably the most prominent piece of public real estate in the city, which is in a state where the Constitution is even more exacting than the U.S. Bill of Rights about the separation of church and state. California's "no preference" clause explicitly prohibits the government from giving any preferential treatment to a particular religion, which is mainly why federal courts have ruled repeatedly that the cross must go. Even seen as a public war memorial, it is lopsided, honoring only those members of the armed forces who belonged to a particular faith.

As you can see, the 109th Congress has been busy dealing with the truly important issues facing the United States.

In an attempt to keep this list fairly short, I have neglected to list several other “critical” pieces of legislation. If you know of others, please list them in the comments section of my post. As you consider the legislation enacted or attempted to be enacted by the 109th Congress, ask yourself who is being helped and who is being harmed by each piece of legislation. Then make a judgment in regard to the people this Congress has truly represented. If you were assigning a grade between "A" and "F" for this Congress, what grade would you give it?

Highbrow, Middlebrow, or Lowbrow?

When you hear titty-rump-titty-rump-titty-rump-rump-rump, what do you think of? If you think of the Lone Ranger - when it comes to music appreciation, you are a lowbrow. If you think of the William Tell Overture by Gioacchino Rossini, you are a highbrow. If you think of something else, you are not thinking about music. That makes you a nobrow.

A lot of highbrow music lovers claim to have had their appreciation for classical music damaged after hearing it used in a movie, pop song, or commercial. But some middlebrow music lovers say that they can appreciate both genres. Here are some examples of classical music adapted to popular songs, in whole or in part:

Do you think of “There’s No Tomorrow“ or “O Sole Mio" by Eduardo di Capua"?

Do you think of Judy Garland singing “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows” or “Fantaisie-Impromptu” by Chopin?

Do you think of “Tonight We Love” or Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's “Piano Concerto in B-Flat Minor”?

Do you think of "Full Moon and Empty Arms" or Sergei Rachmaninoff's “Piano Concerto No. 2“?

Do you think of "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" or “Plaisir d'Amour” by Jean Paul Egide Martini?

Do you think of “Ding! Dong! The Witch is Dead" or Michael Praetorius’s “Dance Suite Terpsichore”?

Do you think of “All You Need is Love" or a snippet of J.S. Bach's "2-part Invention No. 8"?

Do you think of "Song Sung Blue" or Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's "Piano Concerto No. 21, Second Movement”?

Do you think of "Never Gonna Fall In Love Again" or Sergei Rachmaninoff's "Symphony No. 2”?

Do you think of "Everything's Gonna Be Alright" or Johann Sebastian Bach’s “Air from the Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D major”?

These are just a few popular songs that have roots in classical music. Can you think of some others?

72 Virgins

Almost everyone has heard that those hijackers who flew the commercial jets into the World Trade Center expected to go to a paradise where they would be entertained by 72 virgins. To some Americans, Islam sounds like a theology for older teenage boys: In heaven you can have all the electronic gadgets you want, you can stay up until two o’clock in the morning, and it’s always summer vacation. You can have all the girls you want, and they will all be virgins. Islamic heaven is a pretty rockin' place, with an emphasis on sensual pleasures. The provision of virgins in indeterminate quantities is alluded to at numerous points, and you know they're not just there to fluff the pillows and hang the curtain rods. The food, service, and ambience are great. You're allowed to enjoy things the Koran explicitly denies you on earth, such as alcohol, and you won't even get sick. ("Wine . . . delicious to those who drink it . . . will neither dull their senses nor they will become drunk.") Granted, the whole thing is skewed toward the male idea of a good time, a defect by no means confined to Islam.

One should understand that the Koran does not sanction suicide. That is why the Islamic fundamentalists used the term “martyrs” to describe those who flew the planes into the buildings in New York City. Nonfundamentalist Muslims treat the 72 virgins story as merely a metaphor for the joys to be expected in the afterlife. Nothing in the Koran specifically promises 72 virgins to martyrs. This promise results, not from religious views, but from a tradition which is promoted by fundamentalist Muslim religious teachers. Two points need to be noted. First, there is no mention anywhere in the Koran of the actual number of virgins available in paradise, and second, the dark-eyed damsels are available for all Muslims, not just martyrs.

And what is the Islamic paradise like? “They shall recline on jewelled couches face to face, and there shall wait on them immortal youths with bowls and ewers and a cup of purest wine (that will neither pain their heads nor take away their reason); with fruits of their own choice and flesh of fowls that they relish. And theirs shall be the dark-eyed houris, chaste as hidden pearls: a guerdon for their deeds... We created the houris and made them virgins, loving companions for those on the right hand..."

The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505 ), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote: "Each time we sleep with a houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. (Eternal Viagra?) The erection is eternal (no more worry about an erection lasting more than four hours!); the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world, and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [ie., Muslim] will marry seventy ( in some later versions seventy-two) houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

Now, at this point, that introduces some questions:

1. What if the martyr prefers women with experience?
2. What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
3. What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
4. If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
5. If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?

6. Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72-year-old virgin?
7. Instead of 72 guys, would a female martyr settle for 1 man who does dishes and takes out the garbage?
8. How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
9. What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
10. Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?

11. If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
12. Is the martyr entitled to substitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
13. Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
14. Do Siamese twin martyrs get 144 virgins?
15. Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?

Through extensive research, I was able to locate the pictures of three typical virgins in Islamic paradise. Here they are:





The last virgin displayed is courtesy of Misty's blog: "Life Is Not One Big Joke"

Yada Yada Yada

Over the past few decades, television comedies have added quite a few catchphrases to our conversation. Jackie Gleason gave us “How sweet it is!” and Star Trek gave us “Beam me up, Scotty!” Now word has it that Sony Pictures Television (SPT) has spent upwards of $1 million for a set of 180 new episodic promo spots for the television comedy “Seinfeld”, now in its 10th season in syndication. Seinfeld is now in its third cycle of syndication. How did this comedy show become”master of its own domain” in the mass-popular culture of the United States?

For many viewers of the program Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer became real people involved in what some critics called “a show about nothing.” But the show was about something, or it would not have attracted so many viewers for so many years. But to anyone who loves words and appreciates good (and even bad) word play, Seinfeld was really a show about language. The absurd situations, the sight gags, and Kramer's entrances, exits, and pratfalls notwithstanding, the comedy and the commentary in Seinfeld was remarkably language-based. In fact, it's not a stretch to say that no other TV show before or since has been so self-consciously verbal. Seinfeldisms have become a part of our vernacular, e.g., "I dance like Elaine" or "That is very George of you." Who doesn’t know the meaning of “Yada Yada Yada” or a phrase like “No soup for you!”?

Here are some favorite Seinfeld lines gathered from the Washington Post:

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

"I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in." - Jerry

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

"You want to know why you can't go in front first? I'll tell you why. Because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos. It reduces us to jungle law." - Newman (on cutting in line)

Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

I think one of the funniest scenes in Seinfeld involved Elaine who, after doing the Big Deed in the restroom, discovered that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Her attempts to solve the problem resulted in a lot of bellylaughs for the viewers.

Another satire on the times was in the following scene: Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer, have a layover in a small New England town. They witness a robbery in broad daylight. The robber has his hand in his pocket, and the victim shouts that the man has a gun. As soon as the robber runs away, a policeman appears on the scene; but instead of pursuing the robber, he arrests Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer for having violated the new "Good Samaritan" law of the town. Since the four of them spent the time of the robbery making fun of the victim, who was fat, their role in the matter doesn't look good, and at their trial everyone who has ever felt wronged by them in the course of the television series testifies against them. They are convicted.

I can’t recall all the details, but in another episode Kramer, substituting for a friend, feeds a horse a large can of beans he got at Costco before taking a couple on a carriage ride. The resulting flatulence and its effect on the couple and Kramer are hilarious.

For the 180 scripts of the original Seinfeld shows aired on television, go to http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/

Do you have any favorite episodes, scenes, or Seinfeldisms that you would like to relate to us? Tell us about them and explain why you think they are so funny.