Shopping for a Wife's Christmas Present

I am told that holiday gift giving began when the Three Wise Men (Gaspar, Melchior and Balthasar) followed a star to Bethlehem to present the Infant Jesus with gifts of frankincense, myrrh, and gold.

So this morning I asked my wife whether she would like some frankincense for a Christmas gift. “What is frankincense?” she queried. I said , “It’s a resin--dried tree sap. It comes from trees of the genus Boswellia, which is common to Somalia.” “No,” she replied, “I wouldn’t be interested in that.”

“Then, how about some myrrh?” “What is myrrh?” she asked. I said, “I’m not sure, but I think it is also a resin--dried tree sap. It, too, can be found in Somalia where it comes from the tree of the genus Commiphora.” “No, no, no!” she exclaimed, “I wouldn’t want that as a gift, either. There is nothing romantic about it.”

“Well, would you like something made of gold?” I asked. “Yes, yes, yes!” she effervesced.

So now I have to go shopping for a pair of cheap 14k gold earrings.

The Best Gift of All

Once again the holiday season is here, and the toy stores are brimming with the latest electronic products for children. These “edutainment” products promise parents that the learning skills provided by these toys will give their children a competitive advantage as they go out into the world. Parents are told that these electronic gadgets will develop “problem-solving benefits,” develop “basic math skills,” and assist in overall “cognitive development” of their children.

When I was about eight years old, my parents, who knew nothing of cognitive development, were aware that I wanted a Lionel electric train set for Christmas. So on Christmas morning I arose early and with my parents rushed into the living room, where I found a large package under the Christmas tree. After ripping off the gift-wrapping paper, I beheld my gift--a Lionel electric train set.

My father and older brother helped me to connect the track into a oval shape and showed me how to operate the transformer to make the train move forward and backward at various speeds. For a five-year old, it was almost too much ecstasy to bear. But after a couple of days, as the newness of the gift wore off, I played with it less and less. After all, there is a limit to the number of times one can watch a toy train move around a track without getting bored.

Shortly after the new year had begun, my father bought a new refrigerator that came packed in a large cardboard carton. He unpacked the refrigerator and not only gave me the carton but also a corner of the living room where I could keep it--”my space.”

Over the next few months, using my imagination and a little improvisation here and there, that cardboard carton was transformed into a car, a dump truck, a firetruck, a tractor, an airplane, an army tank, a locomotive with guess-who as the engineer, and with the assistance of a blanket and some chairs an underground bunker. I later cut out a couple of “windows” in the carton, and by cutting out three- quarters of a rectangle and bending the remaining section of the cardboard, I was able to create a hinged doorway. This was my own little room--my space--my private retreat I could retire to when I needed to be alone.

Neither my parents nor I realized then that the cardboard carton was assisting me in developing my “problem-solving and math skills,” as well as providing aid to my overall “cognitive development.”

All I knew at that time was that I was having lots of fun.

Becoming a Citizen

The new citizenship test currently being pilot tested by the U.S. government will go into effect in 2008. To view the 144 questions on the new test, go to www.uscis.gov Meanwhile, the old test is still being used. Applicants for citizenship are given a list of 100 questions and answers to study. From that list TEN are chosen at random, and the applicant must get at least SIX correct in order to pass. As citizens of the United States, you should not have to study the list in order to pass. I have selected TWENTY questions at random from that list of one hundred questions. In order to pass this test, you must get at least TWELVE correct. Please take the test and see if you qualify for citizenship. The correct answers are given at the end of the test. Good luck, Citizens.

1. What are the colors of our flag?
2. What country did we fight during the Revolutionary War?
3. Who elects the president of the United States?
4. What do we call a change to the Constitution?
5. Who makes the laws in the United States?

6. How many senators are there in Congress?
7. What is the supreme law of the United States?
8. Who becomes president of the United States if the president and the vice-president should die?
9. Who selects the Supreme Court justices?
10.How many terms can a president serve?

11.What is the head executive of a state government called?
12.What is the basic belief of the Declaration of Independence?
13.Who signs bills into law?
14.What is the highest court in the United States?
15 What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America?

16.Who has the power to declare war?
17.What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called?
18.What is the name of the president's official home?
19.Who is the Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. military?
20.What are the 2 major political parties in the U.S. today?


Answers:

1. Red, white, and blue
2. England
3. The Electoral College
4. Amendments
5. Congress

6. One hundred
7. The Constitution
8. Speaker of the House of Representatives
9. Appointed by the president
10.Two

11. Governor
12. That all men are created equal
13. The President
14. The U.S. Supreme Court
15. The Mayflower

16. The Congress
17. The Bill of Rights
18. The White House
19. The President
20. Democratic and Republican parties

Did you pass the test (at least 12 correct answers)?

Congratulations, Citizen.

Keeping Abreast of the Times

There is an old joke that asks how one can make five pounds of ugly fat beautiful. The answer, of course, is to put a nipple on it. Ah, but there’s the rub. It’s the nipple that causes the problem. Remember when Janet Jackson experienced a “wardrobe malfunction” with Justin Timberlake during Super Bowl XXXVII? The whole world, if it wasn’t blinking at the time, got a glimpse of one of Janet’s exposed nipples. In the United States, suddenly all activity ceased and didn’t resume for three days as Americans viewed reruns of the incident over and over again on television. Some other nations in the world thought that all Americans had gone completely insane.

As an infant, I was breastfed, as were my brother and sister. As a child, I remember watching several of my aunts breastfeeding their children. Later, my sister could be observed breastfeeding her infants. Breastfeeding thus seemed normal and natural to me. It was nothing to get excited about. But it seems today that many people in the United States have a hang-up about breastfeeding in public.

Not too long ago, a woman took her three children to Washington, D.C. to view, among other things, a session of Congress. While viewing the senators and representatives in action, she noted that her 11-month old child was tired, restless, and hungry. So she discreetly started nursing the baby in the Capitol’s observation gallery when she was approached by a guard who scolded her and told her that she would have to do that somewhere else. So she left the gallery and continued the feeding in a quiet hallway. Suddenly, another guard approached and told her that she should cover her breast entirely with a blanket or something. Frustrated, the woman gathered up her children and left the Capitol.

A woman nursing her child in a restaurant at a Las Vegas casino was told that she would need to "go somewhere more private." Still another woman was denied entrance to a public zoo in Orange County, California because she intended to breastfeed on a bench inside the zoo and the attendant feared that "children might see."

A flight attendant on one of the major commercial airlines was heard to say that breastfeeding in public is offensive. The reason: because women’s “tits“, she said, are really for men, not for babies. Now that statement is worth pursuing.

We can see exposed breasts all over the media. But put a nursing infant anywhere near those breasts and suddenly some people are offended. The need for discreet nursing stems from the idea that seeing an exposed breast supposedly titillates men and arouses sexual feelings. Indeed it does so in some men, but only because of the way they have been raised and influenced to think in this society that is so obsessed by women's breasts. In many other cultures, no one thinks twice about a nursing mother and there is no need for covering up while nursing.

In Venezuela, one can see breastfeeding mothers everywhere: in buses, parks, on streets, in public offices, malls, etc. It is much more common to see breastfeeding than bottle feeding in public. No strange looks or anything - it is a normal part of life. Family relations are stronger than in United States, and the tradition to breastfeed is handed down from mother to daughter. Breastfeeding is seen as something beautiful that is pointed out to other children, too, when they see a nursing woman. Compare that with Saudi Arabia where women are prohibited from breastfeeding in public.

There is a wonder drink for infants that has been around for millions of years. It is called breast milk. It promotes the healthy development of a child. Dr. William Sears, a noted pediatrician, claims that breastfed babies:

-are less likely to become obese
-have healthier teeth and better jaw alignment
-are less likely to develop heart disease
-have a lower risk of juvenile diabetes
-are at a lower risk for developing allergies and asthma
-are less likely to suffer from digestive disease

One would think that we would be doing everything we could to get that wonder drink down them, right?

In addition to promoting the health of children, breastfeeding is also healthy for the mothers. Breastfeeding a baby shrinks the uterus back to its original size in a shorter amount of time. Because breastfeeding requires more calories, nursing mothers can eat more healthy foods and often still lose the baby weight quicker than those mothers who don't breastfeed.

In regard to breastfeeding in public, we should remember that it wasn’t too long ago in our nation’s history that a woman's ankle was a fetish. In the present day, men are not turned on by seeing women’s ankles. We are told that today over 70% of new mothers leaving hospitals are nursing their infants. Perhaps it is time for men to stop over-sexualizing women’s breasts and let them serve their primary and natural function.

Question:

Do you think a mother should be able to discreetly breastfeed her infant in public without harassment? Or do you think of breastfeeding in public as indecent exposure?

Don’t Fence Me Out

Thursday, December 14

This morning’s newspaper has an article reporting that a local fence company , accused of hiring illegal immigrants for projects, is scheduled to appear in federal court today on criminal charges. This is the fourth time in the last seven years that the company has been charged with hiring undocumented workers.

Congress first made hiring illegal immigrants a crime 20 years ago. The problem has not been with the laws, but with the enforcement of those laws. The employers that are charged with hiring illegal immigrants have been able to avoid jail time by paying a fine. Last year, Wal-Mart was able to escape criminal charges for employing undocumented workers as janitors by paying an $11 million fine.

Congress has proposed building a border fence to prevent illegal immigrants from crossing into the United States. Although the cost has been estimated to be up to $10 billion, the skeptics are already saying the cost will be closer to $40 billion, and that the fence would not be effective in keeping out illegal immigrants. Getting back to the fence company, it has received millions of dollars in contracts for fencing on military bases and over a mile of fencing along the border. The irony is that the company used illegal immigrants to build a fence to keep out illegal immigrants.

Two years ago, I discovered that honey bees were active in an inaccessible area of my attic. When I called in pest control, I was told that a hole would have to be cut in the ceiling to get to the honey combs they had built. When I asked whether I could just have the bees removed and leave the honey combs, the pest control worker said that he would not advise that, explaining that in order to get rid of the bees, it was necessary to get rid of the honey combs which would continue to attract new bees. He then cut a hole in the ceiling and removed 12 honeycombs. I haven’t had any honey bees return since then.

I think an analogy can be drawn between getting rid of honeybees and solving the illegal immigrant problem. As long as employers (the honey combs) attract undocumented workers (the honey bees) with jobs in spite of the laws, they will continue to come, fence or no fence. The $40 billion dollars could be better spent in enforcing the criminal laws against hiring illegal immigrants. In other words, don’t arrest the undocumented workers; arrest and criminally prosecute to the fullest extent those employers who continue to break our laws in hiring those workers.

What do you think?

UPDATE:

Friday, December 15

The fence company mentioned above and two of its executives pled guilty yesterday in court to repeatedly hiring undocumented workers deported after previous raids, even though they had been warned by the court not to do so. Approximately one-third of the company’s 750 workers were in the United States illegally. The founder of the company said he had hired the illegal immigrants because it was difficult to find people to do that kind of labor. The company was fined $4.7 million and two of its executives, faced with up to five years in prison, through a plea agreement had their sentences reduced to up to six months of incarceration.