Jailhouse Mama

Elisa Kelly is angry. She is angry because she thinks an injustice has been done. She must serve 27 months in jail with murderers and rapists; but in some ways she can be thankful that her original sentence of sixteen years was first reduced to eight years and then further reduced to 27 months on appeal. And what was her crime? She held a birthday party for her 16-year-old son and served him and his 29 under-aged friends some beer. Elisa said it was her belief that the kids were going to drink whether she approved it or not and that keeping them in her 6000 sq. ft. home would be safer than having them out drinking and driving and misbehaving in public. And to further assure their safety, Elisa said that she took all the car keys to make sure that none of the kids would be able to drive home. In addition, her sons and his friends were going to have a sleepover, and since as a teacher she had had most of the boys in her classes, she didn’t think the boys’ parents would mind if beer was consumed.

The boys were having a lot of fun at the party and at around ten o’clock in the evening, they got a little boisterous. A neighbor called the police and thirty officers with guard dogs surrounded the house. The boys were rounded up and given a breathalyzer test in which they all tested positive. Mrs. Kelly was immediately arrested, handcuffed, and placed in jail. She later pleaded guilty to allowing children under the age of 21 to consume alcoholic beverages.

In the state of Virginia, where all of this transpired, a 15-year-old individual can obtain a driver’s license, a 17-year-old can join the military service and go to another country where he or she can kill another person in battle, and an 18-year-old can legally buy a gun. But not one drop of alcohol can be consumed legally until one attains the age of 21.

The mother knew that she was in violation of the state’s law on the consumption of alcoholic beverages but thought that since the boys were doing it in her home under very carefully prescribed restrictions, it would be acceptable. She was wrong. She appealed her sentence all the way up to the Supreme Court, which refused to hear the case on May 21.

And now she is a jailhouse mama for the next 27 months.

What do you think? Does the punishment fit the crime?

Who Was Right?

Not long before our nation launched the invasion of Iraq, our longest-serving Senator, Robert Byrd of West Virginia, stood on the Senate floor and said: "This chamber is, for the most part, silent—ominously, dreadfully silent. There is no debate, no discussion, no attempt to lay out for the nation the pros and cons of this particular war. There is nothing. We stand passively mute in the United States Senate."
(Book Excerpt: The Assault on Reason by Al Gore)

"This will be no war -- there will be a fairly brief and ruthless military intervention.... The president will give an order. [The attack] will be rapid, accurate and dazzling.... It will be greeted by the majority of the Iraqi people as an emancipation. And I say, bring it on."
(Christopher Hitchens, in a 1/28/03 debate-- cited in the Observer, 3/30/03)

"We're proud of our president. Americans love having a guy as president, a guy who has a little swagger, who's physical, who's not a complicated guy like Clinton or even like Dukakis or Mondale, all those guys, McGovern. They want a guy who's president. Women like a guy who's president. Check it out. The women like this war. I think we like having a hero as our president. It's simple. We're not like the Brits."
(MSNBC's Chris Matthews, 5/1/03)

"He looked like an alternatively commander in chief, rock star, movie star, and one of the guys."
(CNN's Lou Dobbs, on Bush's 'Mission Accomplished' speech, 5/1/03)

"I will bet you the best dinner in the gaslight district of San Diego that military action will not last more than a week. Are you willing to take that wager?"

"Do you all remember Scott Ritter, you know, the former chief U.N. weapons inspector who played chief stooge for Saddam Hussein? Well, Mr. Ritter actually told a French radio network that -- quote, 'The United States is going to leave Baghdad with its tail between its legs, defeated.' Sorry, Scott. I think you've been chasing the wrong tail, again.”
(Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, 1/29/03)

"It won't take weeks. You know that, professor. Our military machine will crush Iraq in a matter of days, and there's no question that it will."
(Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, 2/10/03)

"I warned him about this war. I had deep misgivings about this war, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, Mr. President, you better prepare the American people for casualties," Pat Robertson told CNN's Paula Zahn. But Bush said, " 'Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties,' " Robertson related. [Newsday]

A Scream Dream

A few years from now most Americans will have a very large empty TV screen hanging on a wall. Its prominent blank stare will prove to be boring and unattractive, so something will have to be done to alleviate the situation.

Now to the rescue comes Screen Dreams with six DVDs that run like a movie on a continuous loop. Screen Dreams will fill that blank space with your choice of two aquariums, a waterfall, butterflies, a beach, and a fireplace. These choices can even be mixed, so that one might have soothing music and bubble sounds to go with the aquariums. And best of all, there are no aquariums or fireplaces to clean. Now those families that live in a house without a fireplace can enjoy the image of burning logs in a fireplace while listening to a crackling sound.

In my scream dream I am relaxing in the family room in an army-tank-sized Naugahyde-covered chair surrounded by artificial plants and trees in front of a large wall-hanging TV screen showing a fireplace with a roaring, crackling sound, as I pour myself a glass of Kool-Aid and begin reading the stirring biography of Anna Nicole Smith. The horror of horrors!

What would be your worst scream dream?

Don’t Blow Your Whistle So Loud

There is a saying that it’s a rich man’s war and a poor man’s fight. I have just finished reading a newspaper report about Bunnatine “Bunny” Greenhouse, who was demoted in 2003 for whistle-blowing about a no-bid $7 billion oil repair contract awarded to Kellogg Brown and Root (KBR), a subsidiary of Halliburton. Before her demotion, she had been a top civilian procurement officer with the Army Corps of Engineers. In that role she supervised defense contracts worth $23 billion.

What this principled government employee most objected to was that KBR officials had helped the Army Corps of Engineers draft the oil field restoration plan for Iraq, giving them an unfair advantage over their competitors. In addition, the company received a two-year contract with an option for a three-year extension without any future bids from competing companies.

In 2003, Mrs. Greenhouse testified to Congress that the contract awarded to KBR was the worst case of abuse she had ever witnessed. For her efforts, a few weeks later she was demoted, with the commander of the corps saying that she was removed "based on her performance and not in retaliation for any disclosures...that she may have made." Mrs. Greenhouse now reports to work to the people who used to work for her.

Cheney retired from Halliburton during the 2000 U.S. presidential election campaign with a severance package worth $34 million. Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) asserts that Cheney's stock options -- worth $241,498 a year ago -- are now valued at more than $8 million. Concerns have been raised regarding the possible conflict of interest resulting from Cheney's deferred compensation and stock options from Halliburton.

The older rich men continue to get richer as a result of war, while the younger poor men and women, most of them in their twenties and some still in their teens barely out of high school, fight and die in the battles. That, or they come home with physical and/or mental impairments that will handicap them for the rest of their lives.

The Origin of Dogs and Cats

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to the origin of dogs and cats.

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom, and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you. His name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG, God spelled backwards.

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a damn one way or the other.