A recent study conducted by an unnamed source reports that millions of Americans are afflicted with Bush Syndrome (BS), a psychological disorder produced by excessive and prolonged exposure to the misinformation and misrepresentations spread by President Bush and his operatives. Those who suffer from BS are known to exhibit some of the following delusions symptomatic of cognitive dissonance:

That weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq

That Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden worked hand-in-hand to spread terrorism

That the United States has a divine mandate to send armed forces into "outposts of tyranny" to remove the "evildoers" who rule them

That the United States can defeat evil in the world by itself, if necessary

That the Social Security program faces bankruptcy by 2041.

That low-wage, indebted workers, unsophisticated in the financial world, will benefit from risking part of their social security savings in a stock market with a history of returning 0% between 1968-1982

That the United States Constitution is based on Christian principles rather than secular values from the Enlightenment

That packing the U.S. Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues to replace "activist" judges will result in fair and unbiased decisions

That deficits do not matter, and that passing on an astronomical debt to future generations is both morally and fiscally responsible

That anyone who questions the policies of the Bush administration is unpatriotic, if not downright treasonous

At present, no treatment is available for BS, but it is possible that a new therapy might be found sometime between 2006 and 2008.

The recent brouhaha over the Ten Commandments has led me to rethink them in a modern day context. Let us consider the Commandments in numerical order with Old Testament punishments for their violation as well as some of my thoughts on the side.

The First Commandment regards having other gods before the Lord. The punishment is death by stoning. If suitable stones are not available in your neighborhood, they may be purchased at Home Depot. Please note that stoning is not permitted on the Sabbath.

The Second Commandment regards making a graven image (such as that displayed in an Alabama courthouse). The punishments are curses, including fever, blindness, boils, and hemorrhoids.

The Third Commandment regards taking the name of the Lord in vain. This clearly violates First Amendment rights guaranteeing free speech. The penalty is death (Gosh darnit. That is harsh).

The Fourth Commandment regards keeping the Sabbath Day holy. Close those stores and eliminate the professional football games on the Sabbath? (Holy Moses! Even harsher!)

The Fifth Commandment regards honoring your father and mother (in split custody cases following a divorce, honor your mother when you are with her, and your father when you are with him). The penalty is death.

The Sixth Commandment regards killing human beings. Killing is permissible only in war, law enforcement, and fetal development. The penalty is death ( killing).

The Seventh Commandment regards committing adultery. The penalty is death for both man and woman. Warning: Strict enforcement of this Commandment might lead to a reduction in our population of up to 40%. Since most of the guilty fall among the young, this could be disastrous for shoring up the problems with Social Security.

The Eighth Commandment regards stealing, such as that committed by Halliburton, Enron, and others. The punishment is that the guilty will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

The Ninth Commandment regards lying, such as using "weapons of mass destruction" as a pretext for attacking another sovereign nation. The punishment is that the guilty will not inherit eternal life in the Kingdom.

The Tenth Commandment regards, among other things, coveting your neighbor's wife. The punishment is giving up eternal life and glory in a divine Kingdom. But what if the wife you covet is married to another female?

For those who maintain that we should violate the Second Commandment in order to display the other Commandments, I propose that another graven image be displayed in the same area with the accompanying Old Testament punishments.